Rhapsody Recovery

I was blessed with this amazing ability, Alhamdulillah, of being able to let people go. By that I mean let them go from my life without the fear of not recovering. But the thing is, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It actually hurts like someone is slowly peeling the skin off of my heart. That’s why I don’t like drawing it out. I cut people off like an amputation. And then let it bleed; and test my endurance.

So I just discovered, that how much it hurts depends on two types of people:

1. How far said person got over my wall
2. How long they spent trying to get over my wall

So it takes time. To recover from any kind of “amputation”. I’ve never let go of Person Type 2 right after Person Type 1; Today I have, and it hardly matters how peaceful the parting was. Like damn. It’s a nauseous experience.

I’m not pretending to be okay with this. It hurts, and some say I drop people like Ali cuz I must I like the pain. Y’all are right. However, I never let go of people except for Allah. And if I feel pain for that– dayum. I’m the luckiest thing on Earth. And what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger. But of course, I sometimes wonder a bit:

“I don’t know how much more love this heart can lose
And I’m dying, dying from these exit wounds” 

— Exit Wounds, The Script

It’s a good song. And writing really does help. Writing is helping me breathe a little better. So I just wrote a rhapsody featuring a censored Eminem quote:

Tell me, how many more must I leave on this road?
I cut off each limb to save each body in hope
That it’ll be the last
The last to fall,
But I don’t think it’ll ever happen for me–
I guess this is  what they call destiny.

I’m fine with it,
No, really.
Leave me alone,
I ask these questions to me
I will recover because I’ve never felt pain I didn’t need.

Let these scars serve as a reminder
I’m a warrior, not a survivor:
When you come to mess with my head,
You’ll be thrown aside, conquered.

Whether you care about what I think or not,
I don’t really give a what
I won the last ten battles in this war
Cuz success is my only option, failure’s not.

Hm. This rap game could work. I feel better. I need some tea.

PEACE!!!